Growth Perspective
| Article Index |
|---|
| Growth Perspective |
| Cautions! |
| The Importance of Pattern |
| Exceptional Books to Assist Growth |
| All Pages |
The Compatibility Code does a good job identifying the importance of having growth mechanisms in place to support an excellent marriage. In this section we explore different methods of ensuring growth and at the end of this section we identify some books that are particularly good at encouraging it.
Books and other printed resources: There are at least two ways that good books may be processed:
• Each spouse may read through a book (or articles) on their own. The difficulty of this is that it is much too easy to say "yes, yes" to material that you read, do absolutely nothing about it, and quickly forget that you ever read it.
• Spouses may read a book together: This pattern might involve one partner reading a portion of the book aloud while the other listens. After the reading the couple may discuss what was read and (much more important) apply the material to their lives. Certain books are designed to stimulate discussion and to be applied to the relationship. John Gottman's books are excellent examples of this format.
Videos, DVDs, CDs, talking books: These options represent a supplement to reading books. Essentially you are processing similar material in a different format.
• Videos or DVDs share the advantage that you can watch together and stop the program at key points to discuss issues and determine ways to apply the material to your own lives. You can also do the same after a particular DVD or Video is completed.
• CDs and talking books are typically processed when doing other things. While it is possible to stop and discuss content together, it is more typical to listen when driving, doing household chores, or other passive activities. As such it carries the same risk as "just reading a book". If you listen only once the material is quickly forgotten and seldom applied. One way to overcome this (assuming that the material is worthy) is to listen to the same CD or tape many times. In this context it becomes a part of you and some applications of the material to you and your relationships are almost inevitable.
Marriage Enrichment seminars: A variety of seminars are available to enhance relationships or to improve your marriage/relationship. These have several advantages and disadvantages:
Advantages:
• You and your spouse/partner can attend together and most seminars will urge discussion of material and application.
• If fortunate you are working with experts in the field who have a sound knowledge base and have worked with hundreds of couples over the years.
• The fact that it is often expensive underlines the urgency of getting your value out of the seminar. If you pay for it you are more likely to thoroughly process the material and make application. Free seminars are often enjoyed but then forgotten. I purchased the Great Books of the Western World (100 greatest authors of all time) when just out of college. The cost was painful and took at least a year to pay off, as a result I have read many of them. If I had just received the set, it is unlikely that I would have accorded them the same value, or, read nearly so many of the books. So, if the credentials of the seminar or the facilitators is top notch, be willing to pay more for the additional benefit.
