Friendship and Mutual Interests
Additional Information for Chapter 2, Page 15
Ideally romantic partners should be excellent friends. Ignoring gender, sexual, or romantic issues for the moment, what sorts of people become good friends?
Typically friends are those with whom you share similar interests and activities. Why are the majority of musicians’ friends other musicians? Artists’ friends tend to be other artists, hunters hang out with other hunters, and hockey fans enjoy the company of other hockey fans. As you explore past or present non-romantic friendships, think carefully: What factors nurtured the friendship?
Friendship is one key ingredient that you look for in a romantic partner—someone who could be a good friend even if there were no romantic component to the relationship. When you marry, you will be spending a lot of time together, so it is good to have many things that you mutually enjoy. In a romantic relationship, infatuation fades after a couple of years. You still enjoy intimacies, but sex no longer dominates your thoughts and time. As has been noted elsewhere, even for the most sexually enthusiastic couple, sexual activity occupies only about 1-2% of their time. If you are good friends with many shared interests, then the other 98-99% of the time can be equally rewarding, but if you share very little in common, then boredom, disaffection and parallel lives are the frequent result.
