Powerlessness
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Additional Information on Chapter 4, page 47The book mentions a sense of powerlessness as a potential emotional germ but does not expand at all.
There are essentially two types of powerlessness:
1. Powerlessness due to external circumstances
2. Powerlessness due to personal qualities or perspective
1. Powerlessness due to external circumstances: We all live in a world in which there are restraints over which we have no control. We can’t jump over the Grand Canyon, can’t fly by flapping our arms and we can’t run a two minuet mile. In the relational domain, we can’t force another person to like us or to fall in love with us, can’t compel another person to do as we wish, and we can’t eliminate all sources of friction between us and another person. While we may have influence over another person, we cannot control them.
2. Powerlessness due to personal qualities or perspective: In this domain there are wide differences among people. There are many who in Stephen Hawking’s severely crippled condition would have given up on life. Hawking has persevered to become the greatest physicist of his age (achievement domain) and is married (relational domain). Same story for Joni Erickson-Tada: After the swimming accident that left her quadriplegic, she went on to become a fine artist, an international celebrity, and, like Hawking, also married. Hawking and Erickson-Tada provide extreme examples. It is almost certain that you, reading this, have not experienced challenges as severe as these two. In the area of marital success typical statements of powerlessness include: “I’m not pretty enough,” “I’m too old,” “I’m too young,” “I’m too short,” “I’m too tall,” “I’m not thin enough,” “I’m not sexy enough,” “I’m not skilled at relating to men,” “there’s no one available,” and a myriad of others. Whether or not we feel powerless in light of these circumstances is a matter of perspective and conditioning.
