Disqualifiers
| Article Index |
|---|
| Disqualifiers |
| Emotional Involvement |
| Altering Your List |
| Developing the Right Mind Set |
| Disqualifiers in an Already Existing Relationship: Is Change Possible? |
| All Pages |
Additional Information for Chapter 8, page 105
Identification
The Compatibility Code provides two sources of disqualifiers: Disqualifiers based on the findings of research psychology, and disqualifiers that are personally determined. We spend our time here addressing the first type—disqualifiers already determined by research. The reason is essentially twofold:
- Every one of the 19 disqualifiers listed operates on a continuum from a lesser to a greater amount.
- At mild levels these issues would not be disqualifiers at all
Another critical factor is that personally-determined disqualifiers can, indeed, be pre-determined; that is, before you start dating someone. The existence of psychological disqualifiers can only be determined within the context of an actual relationship. Some of these qualities may be immediately evident while others may emerge over time.
There is nothing clear cut about the list for research. On the List of Personal Disqualifiers worksheet (p. 117), disqualifiers from research findings are each preceded by a box with instructions to “Put a check by any that you think may pose a problem to the relationship.”
It is likely that most of us have experienced these destructive qualities at some level during our lives. Ever felt hostile? Ever felt bitter? Ever been selfish? The answer is “of course!” The same would be true of many of the items on the list.
Once you have placed checks next to potential problem areas (and you may be well into the relationship before some qualities emerge) then it is well to consider some of the options suggested in The Compatibility Code on pages 113 and 114 to determine how serious these problems are. Five steps to assist are listed below:
1. From your own simple observations some qualities may clearly be labeled disqualifier
2. Be on your toes as the relationship progresses to be aware of emerging difficulties
3. Talk with others who know the person well to gain their honest feed back
4. Consult with an expert if the former three don’t provide a clear answer
5. Get tested as suggested on page 114 of The Compatibility Code
Don’t doddle in checking out these issues in the context of a personal relationship. The longer you delay the more emotionally entangled you become and the more devastating a break up will be.
