I’m pondering the idea that almost all references to “love” include a loss of control…

For example: falling in love. I don’t know about you, but the last time I “fell” it hurt. In fact, falling in love often results in pain. So, do we really want to be at “love’s” mercy? I fell just the other day, on the ice, in front of a restaurant, in front of Tim Horton’s, in front of the world. My 14 year old twins were watching…and in addition to their concern they were laughing-because I looked funny all splatted on the ground. But years before, when I was going through a divorce…nobody was laughing. I hurt, people watching me hurt, my soon-to-be ex-husband hurt. My life was splatted on the ground and I didn’t know how to go about getting back up. I couldn’t have imagined 5 years before as I looked into the eyes of my boyfriend, having fallen totally in love, that it wouldn’t last. That love wasn’t enough.

What about: head over heals in love. My husband Darren was running the other day with our 16 month old golden retriever. They were totally in sync. Totally loving the air, the time together, the sheer excitement of the cross country run. And then, out of the blue, a root caught Darren’s flying toe…and you guessed it. Head over heals. Xrays and ibuprophen doses later, he observed…”When you’re focused on the landscape you really don’t see the small things that will trip you up.” So, I asked myself, would I really advise someone to be head over heals in love? First, we need to consider what will trip us up in love-a kiss, a touch, someone to just to be on the other end of the phone. Then we need to think about where we’re really going and ask should we be running on the current path. After my personal experience with “head over heals,” I went through quite a time of healing. And then I went through a time of fear-was I attractive enough, was there something totally wrong with me, could I be a strong marriage partner. As I found the right path, and worked on improving me as a person, I met Darren. Together we considered what was most important to each of us individually, and then together, and now in marriage-as one. Somewhere along the way of using good decision making choices, we “became” in love. Intense, exciting, and with total awareness of all of the roots in the path that might trip us up.

I liked having more control. I liked knowing that one of the single most important decisions of my life wasn’t the result of a fall.