As I hung up the phone, I could still hear the echo of my professional voice saying; “Why don’t I call you each morning at 7:00 a.m. for the next 30 days!” and my coaching client excitedly agreeing. Silence. I looked at the phone with dismay and wondered if I could pull the words back out of the line.

Quick check – what’s your gut response to the thought of 7:00 a.m.? Is it, “Oh groan, I don’t even have my eyes open at that point, much less my brains.” Or is it, “Oh boy, let’s get going?”

Are you an owl or a rooster?
You see, I am a night owl. Not only have I known this all my life-but also I celebrate it. I love to work late at night when the racket of the day has died down. There is no undercurrent from my subconscious suggesting that I tend to this or that-just the lovely silence of the night. Like an owl, I feel like I’m up in my tree watching out over all of my territory. Swiveling my head around and noticing what changes have happened during the day in my world; thinking back over the events for opportunities and threats…making plans for tomorrow.

The rooster on the other hand, struts his stuff first thing in the morning. Calling out before the rest of the creatures are stirring. Encouraging even the sun to come up – confident that it’s his cheery, repetitive crow that results in the day beginning. The rooster reminds me of an old army commercial on TV that said, “We accomplish more before 9:00 a.m. than most people get done in an entire day!” The owl in me would watch that ad and grumble, why would anyone want to do two days work in one day?

So how do I know anything about the rooster? Well, I’m married to one. Darren is most definitely the rooster, consistently and cheerfully getting up every morning at 4:30 a.m. Excuse me, does 4:30 really come twice a day?

Of our many pre-marriage conversations, we didn’t explore or talk about the multitude of issues and conflicts that this difference would produce.

• His creative day is over when mine is just beginning.
• His idea of a great planning session is at 6:00 a.m., mine is at 9:00 p.m.
• My idea of a great date is a late movie and early a.m. stroll by moonlight, later falling asleep in each other’s arms.
• His is an early dinner followed by the 7:00 movie, in bed and asleep by 10:30 (yes, asleep).
• When packing for a vacation, I pack till it’s finished – he goes to bed trouble free and packs until it’s time to go.

Can’t you just hear the arguments? The misunderstandings? The hurt feelings?

So what to do?

1. Identify how high a priority it is for both of you to be involved or in attendance. We’ve decided that there are numerous night events that it’s fine for me to attend on my own. He stays home and takes care of helping kids with homework and other evening responsibilities. I am careful of his schedule when requesting his company – it needs to be really important for me to ask him to stay out late.
2. For occasional events outside of your partner’s “time zone” agree in advance how you will help alter the day of and the day after to accommodate the sleep deficit. Examples: Darren will take a power nap before an event; I will do one of his evening responsibilities; or he will just agree to be tired the next day.
3. For recurring events: determine a reasonable way for it to be handled on an ongoing basis. On our date night, which is Thursday, we often eat just popcorn for supper, watch movies at home so there’s no drive time, pay our girls to “self-sit”, and don’t answer the phone. He goes to bed about 30 minutes later than normal – and we will have had a good 5 hour date that can be counted on week after week.
4. Help your partner thrive during their best productivity time. When I close the office door at night meeting a work deadline – he becomes Mr. Mom and makes sure the house runs smooth. I don’t nag him about his absence from the morning routine when he’s out practicing trombone or piano as the school day begins. He’ll get up at 2:00 a.m. and fix me a pot of coffee when I’m meeting a deadline. I don’t call during his 10:30 a.m. power nap.
5. Celebrate the beauty of each other’s gifts. Darren accomplishes amazing things in the morning and can be counted on for energy and a cheerful can do attitude. I round the day off and make sure that the stage is for the next day.

So yes, there’s a give and take when an owl and a rooster live in the same barnyard. But I love watching the clear-eyed brilliance of my hubby in the morning. He loves being nurtured by me as I read in bed and he drifts off to sleep.

Now what about that 7:00 a.m. coaching call I’m going to do for the next 30 days? Yikes, can an owl change its feathers?